All she truly wants is to be loved by the man that she loves with everything she has.
And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” ~T.S. Eliot #quotes
Being goofy :)
I am currently sittin on the back of a Chevy s10. My boyfriend and our friend Sam is working on the breaks on my truck. Today has been really hard on me. Jon was in a bad mood all day and then decided to tell me that he didn’t love me and that he would be better off single. I asked him why we were together if he thought that way and he said because he wanted to be. Sometimes I don’t think I’m ever going to be enough for him. I hope that someday his mind will change about me but I’m afraid that by the time he figures out whether or not it will then it will be too late. Everyday with him is like rolling dice and sometimes the outcome is great and sometimes it’s not.
I don’t know which part of him to believe. There are days that he wants a future with me and others he doesnt want a future with anyone. All I know is that I want to be the girl that changes his life in the best way possible. I just need him to give me the chance to do that.
New hair color :) not what I expected it to be but people seem to like it so im warming up to it!
Today was a pretty crazy day. I woke up and felt like being pretty so I got all dressed up and of course had no where to go. Jon didn’t text me until after noon saying that he woke up and he usually wakes up before me. Apparently last night he went to a bonfire and didn’t even get home and to sleep until around 730 am. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about that. We barely talked all day.
I had to work at 5. I work at donatos and have worked there since I was 15. I used to work at a different location but that’s a story for another time. We have a new GM who is changing everything at work. I really don’t like it. I’m training to be a manager there and hope that is still gonna happen under her reign. I got stuck on make tonight with two new minors. And they made a fool of me by slowing me down. One of the guys has been there for a few weeks and is making no advancements. The new GM had to come help and shooed the two boys away. It was pretty smooth sailing after that. My other manager Kristine who I’m pretty close with told me that the new GM, Laurie, wanted to have a talk with me sometime this week. Kristine of course gave me the low down and told me to act like I never knew it.
Apparently, Laurie is going to put me on a thing that will make me a manager in training in about a month. Which makes me mad because I’ve already been training for months and shes focused on making this girl Tyler a manager. I’d be such a better fit. I love Tyler, she’s amazing, but I work my ass off there and Tyler just came back after quitting for awhile. I just think I should get dibs.
Then I got home and my mother decided to tell me that I put a huge wall up and don’t care about anyone. We got in a huge fight and I just left. She will never realize that she is the reason I have a wall up. And I care about people TOO much. I do everything for other people. It really hurt hearing her say that. But im used to being hurt by her. Nothing is new.
I’ve spent a lot of time tonight thinking about the past year of my life. It’s probably been the hardest year but at the same time it was the best year. My best friend Taylor moved in with me in January of 2011. She moved out in February of 2012. I cherish every fight, prank, laugh, cry, and memory that I have had with her. They truly were the best times of my life.
This would be my amazing boyfriend and I (: We have only been together for about 4 months now but it’s still going strong and we’ve helped change each other’s lives in many positive ways. We fight constantly but it is only because we are two completely different people that were raised differently. However, our feelings for each other are the same. Considering he is a big part of my life right now, I will probably be writing a lot about him in the future. Some of it might be bad, but most of it will probably be good. I love this boy (:—